Sitting pretty. Photo by Beryl Fine
I need to stop the motion and stand still for one idle moment.
Distractions are wonderful. They sparkle and twinkle in the purdy light.
I am a gold fish swimming in a bowl. I’m over fed but can’t stop eating.
I want to be filled completely.
I believe in Unicorns and fairies.
I want to discover a word that rhymes with orange.
When to count to three I will awake from slumber, no longer with the wings I was born with. I will look and act as I should. I will no longer question the reality in which I live…
And when I grow up I won’t turn into my mother.
Waking up before sunrise.
I open my eyes.
I rub them, stimulating the eye balls, wiping the sleep from the crevices.
I stretch my legs and toes, heaving them like sacks of potatoes over the beds edge.
Shuffling in the dark, kicking clothes, feeling around with my feet I stumble to the bathroom.
With the clink of the light on, I now can see clearly.
As I stare idley into my closet. I think of nothing. I stare into infinite.
I reach my finger digits out a grab pants, shirt, socks and shoes. Thoughtlessly I dress my body.
Nurturing my belly with cinnimon corn flakes and rice milk, I stare. Still thoughtless, still numbed from the hours of wistful slumber.
These moments are my treasured routine. Silent, dark and solitary.
A moment of zen.
I feel ungrateful.
Though I have a job I loath it.
I want out.
I am not defined by work. I don’t feel that I must sacrifice my life for mindless dribble.
I sit and check my email, once, twice and a third time.
What am I looking for? I couldn’t tell you. I think a way out. Perhaps I’m looking for divine intervention? A message from the powers that be that will assure me that this too shall pass.
I however, don’t believe that work is a waste of time, I believe that it shapes your person. Maybe gives us meaning. An activity to fill time but this job is an exception. Pushing paper doesn’t quantify my life to have greater purpose. It merely makes the space between me and void that much bigger.
I eat to quickly.
As a child and now adult I’m always first to be finished at the dinner table.
I consume my food like its going out of style.
Inhaled and washed down with a cup of water.
I like to pick the remnants out of my teeth with a plastic tooth pick.
I love food.
It gives and I receive.
Am I a board or nervous eater? How can I find out?
I eat out of necessity as well as impulse.
Yes, I do have hunger thus the necessity.
But, I impulsively snack. With no rhyme or reason.
On a positive note, I don’t chew my fingernails, my boogers or any bodily extremities or secretions for that matter.
I’m off to a good start…heavy sigh.
Sometimes things don’t fall into place.
Life remains unpredictable.
Its the unpredicablitiy that keeps me interested.
Normal reality is dull and mostly lame.
am I wasting time or is this just apart of the quite idleness of life?
my ass hurts from sitting on it for hours on end.
I know this isn’t what I was born to do.
my co-workers content nature towards discontent reality worries me.
it seems unnatural to me to feel obliged to accept dull reality.
at what point is there enough time in a day for mindless existence to be acceptable?
I believe that its conformity that brings us to our knees.
sloppy seconds of an ordinary world is not a sour reality that I’m willing to swallow.